Lessons From Thumper

       The other night after an amazing barbecue dinner, Danielle and I were discussing with some close friends about how much people judge you as a parent. This is one of the most exciting times in a couples life and there are some people, sometimes total strangers, who just like to rain on our parade.  It even started from the very beginning when we told people what names we were considering (a decision in hind site, I regret). It's amazing to me that people would actually sneer or cringe at certain names we were thinking about naming our son. Why should their opinion matter at all, what we call him? Comments like, "That sounds kind of girly", or "Don't name him that" are just a few of the ones we received.
       One of the most common negative reactions we have had is when Danielle tells people that she doesn't plan to use any drugs during the labor process. I am not sure what the underlying motivation of these negative reactions are. Maybe since they do not feel like they are strong enough to withhold medication during such a painful process, they don't think Danielle is strong enough either.  People actually make her feel guilty for wanting to expereince birth as God intended. She is in no way naive about the pain involved and understands that if medically necessary, she will do whatever it takes to bring Noah into this world. We recently had a negative encounter at a hospital as we were touring their baby unit with a nurse. Danielle simply asked the nurse that if we wanted to bring in our own crockpot, what we would have to do (crockpots are sometimes used in labor to provide relaxing scents and keep warm cloths in). The nurse then proceeded to lecture Danielle for 5 minutes about how she needs to be flexible and that not everything works out how laboring mothers intend. This nurse immediately labeled Danielle as some devoted-hippy kook without knowing her at all.

It is also unbelievable to me when strangers find out how far a long she is and make statements like, "Oh thats when I lost my first baby" or "Better enjoy life now, because it will end soon" Did they really think those comments were productive in any sort of manner? Or the mother in the Target parking lot yelling at her 3 kids in the car that turns to Danielle and says, "See what you have to look forward to".  How come none of these people have positive things to say? I don't need to here your 20 minute birth story about how painful and awful your pregnancy was. I feel sorry for these bitter, angry people who spread negativity like wildfire, we are not those people.

By now we have accepted the fact that people will judge you for every thing you do as a parent, and in the end, their faults, stories, and mistakes are not ours. We will make our own mistakes and form our own story. We welcome all positive comments and constructive advice, but We have always done things the way we want to.  In the future when we see a couple expecting their first child, no matter what, we have vowed to only say positive things. Like Thumper taught us growing up, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"